Another year of doing my best to live! I posted last year, https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/1mlerz1/6_years_to_the_day_i_attempted_an_early_exit/ , and my heart absolutely soared with the interactions in the comments and the many messages and conversations I had since then. So I hope this helps a few people again this time.

7 years ago yesterday, I bid my horribly abusive then-fiance a painful but relieved farewell, and climbed out onto a bridge. While I shuffled out on the ledge to a spot I hoped would end me on impact, if not with the ground them a semi doing 70 mph (I'm aware how selfish it is to put others at risk for my own gain; all I can say is that in that moment I simply could not care, and also I did not turn to paste on a poor truckers grill), the police came and a lone older officer spoke with me for a few minutes before grabbing my shirt through the fence when I moved to jump. He begged, he cried for me, for his men watching 20 yards away helplessly, and I wept and I broke and I lived. Not well at first, not a while even, but I did live.

I was 28 then, 35 now. The last fifth of my life just wasn't going to be, and yet here I am, moving forward every day. I made progress my addiction 5 years ago and every day is glorious, even when it fucking sucks, even when it feels like I'm fighting life itself. Taking the lashings, in stride when I can, with renewed vigor when the beat me down, just continues to be worth it. I wouldn't have had the chance for my brother and I to be flower girls at my little sister's wedding last week. I wouldn't be fretfully raising a nearly teenage girl in today's America. I wouldn't be less than a year from my degree. Some of these things are hard, not enjoyable at times, but they are in my life because I am alive. And that makes me happy.

So to those who need to hear it, stay alive with me. Keep moving forward.