r/MadeMeSmile • u/gm_91 • 9h ago
Personal Win 7 years since I said my "last" goodbye
Another year of doing my best to live! I posted last year, https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/1mlerz1/6_years_to_the_day_i_attempted_an_early_exit/ , and my heart absolutely soared with the interactions in the comments and the many messages and conversations I had since then. So I hope this helps a few people again this time.
7 years ago yesterday, I bid my horribly abusive then-fiance a painful but relieved farewell, and climbed out onto a bridge. While I shuffled out on the ledge to a spot I hoped would end me on impact, if not with the ground them a semi doing 70 mph (I'm aware how selfish it is to put others at risk for my own gain; all I can say is that in that moment I simply could not care, and also I did not turn to paste on a poor truckers grill), the police came and a lone older officer spoke with me for a few minutes before grabbing my shirt through the fence when I moved to jump. He begged, he cried for me, for his men watching 20 yards away helplessly, and I wept and I broke and I lived. Not well at first, not a while even, but I did live.
I was 28 then, 35 now. The last fifth of my life just wasn't going to be, and yet here I am, moving forward every day. I made progress my addiction 5 years ago and every day is glorious, even when it fucking sucks, even when it feels like I'm fighting life itself. Taking the lashings, in stride when I can, with renewed vigor when the beat me down, just continues to be worth it. I wouldn't have had the chance for my brother and I to be flower girls at my little sister's wedding last week. I wouldn't be fretfully raising a nearly teenage girl in today's America. I wouldn't be less than a year from my degree. Some of these things are hard, not enjoyable at times, but they are in my life because I am alive. And that makes me happy.
So to those who need to hear it, stay alive with me. Keep moving forward.
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u/RavensQuoth 8h ago edited 7h ago
We’ve got an entire eternity of death coming up. Why not push through the split second of life?
Congrats on still being here motherfucker. Hopefully your light reflects on others like me who are in darkness as well.
💪
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u/kasfinally 8h ago
“ We’ve got an entire eternity of death coming up. Why not push through the split second of life?”
This hit. I’m not even in a bad place. I love life, but this hit and I love it. Thank you for this quote.
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u/lopeztheheavy69 8h ago
I am in a bad place and this is a glorious breath of fresh air
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u/Ghemit 7h ago
Hey internet stranger! I'm a fellow internet stranger passing your way. Just wanted to say hi and let you know you ARE NOT alone. I'm right here under your comment waving hello up to you ^_^
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u/ABlokeNamedScott 5h ago edited 4h ago
I know this is a serious subject and all but I wanted to point out that somehow my brain managed to skip the word "NOT" and for a moment I thought you must be like a professional hater.
Edit: I also wanted to let anyone know that If you feel like you need or even just want someone to talk to, feel free to private message me. If you don't know what to say just type anything, I'm not gonna judge.
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u/mantis_tobaggan-md 6h ago
I recently started regaining my interest in being alive after 3 years of intense grief and deep, deep darkness. I can’t even begin to tell you how beautiful everything is on the other side. It’s like the world is suddenly appearing to me in color. Hang in there.
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u/rigbysimpson 7h ago
The world is a better place with you in it. You are loved and would be missed.
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u/genericperson10 6h ago
Hang in there internet stranger, this is really cliche but sometimes the bad places temper us to become strong enough to ensure that others don't have to be in bad places. You are not alone, there's a lot of us internet strangers rooting for you!!
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u/RandomlyPlacedFinger 5h ago
If you can find no better reason to persist, do it for spite. Annoy the Universe with your persistence.
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u/ferretbeast 8h ago
For real. Thanks, u/ravensquoth for that one. Such a simple statement but so impactful. Great username btw!
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u/GoblinCorp 6h ago
A trope statement for a reason but, a short term problem does not require a terminal solution. I have been there a few times and currently struggling again, so OP helps us all a bit.
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u/rockhardkent 7h ago
Once you die, there is no death anymore because it already happened and words are nothing but smoke. Perhaps there won't be an "is" or a "was" or a "will be" , until such time as you have eyes to see the sunrise again.
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u/tzip34 8h ago
Such a long, long time to be gone and a short time to be there
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u/JamesInDC 7h ago
your avatar checks out
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u/DaughterJoro 6h ago
I needed this thread today, but also thanks for reminding me I’m wearing my Bertha shirt :)
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u/kuppajoy 7h ago
Trying so hard to hang on for the sake of my baby girl. This quote just hit me. Thank you
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u/adoradear 7h ago
Keep that thought strong. Any parent, no matter how “bad” (the voices in your head tell you that you are), is infinitely better than a dead parent. Especially a dead parent who chose to leave their child. You can do this. You’ve done hard things before, for lesser reasons than for her. You can do this too. ❤️
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u/Boterfleoge 6h ago
Please talk to your doctor about this if you haven't already. Having a child can really throw us for a wallop and the right support can change everything ❤️
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u/I_Am_Beyonce_Always2 4h ago
Just wanted to share my Mom committed suicide when I was a preteen. My siblings ranged in age from 2 to 11. I'm here over 20 years later to tell you my family is still dealing with the trauma that caused and the many after effects that often accompany this type of loss (mental health struggles, addiction, lack of healthy relationships, incarceration, their own suicide attempts). Please hang on. Your baby girl needs you more than you will ever know. I hope one day you can look back on this period of your life and it feels like a different person you're looking back at. Wishing you healing and grace for yourself while you struggle. Sending a hug from a Mom to two amazing girls who are now the age my Mom was when she left. It has taken a lot of hard work and many reminders I'm not as healed as I thought, but I am breaking the cycle of trauma with my family. I hope your baby girl never knows that struggle. You sound like you love her so much and are trying to do the best for her. That takes a strength.
Sorry for the novel. Just felt something that said I should share with you.
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u/atheliarose 5h ago
Your precious baby girl needs you and wants you, both now and always. She needs you there so she can tell you stories about the new friends she made on her first day of school, she needs you there to hold her and feed her raw cookie dough and ice cream when she has her first heartbreak, she needs you there to shop for her first apartment, and she needs you there to help her pick out her wedding dress. There are so many beautiful moments ahead that she needs you for, and no one else can do as good of a job as you at being her mom. I hope the light breaks through soon for you and that you can get the support you need, because postpartum mental health can be a struggle, but there are resources out there (meds and therapy have helped me a lot). Sending love, prayers, and my very best mom friend hugs 🫂❤️
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u/Usagi1983 6h ago
Damn, this quote… back in 2018 our 4 month old daughter died of SIDS. Right next to my side of the bed. Been killing myself inside for years over not waking up and helping her. There were some touch and go moments those first six months or so, but seeing that quote helps let me know I made the right choice to keep going.
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u/Specialist_Map_6541 5h ago
Yes you did make the right choice. I’m so sorry for your loss and it was not your fault, just a terrible accident. Glad you and OP are still in this world!
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u/atheliarose 5h ago
I am so sorry for your loss. It wasn’t your fault, and I’m so glad you’re still here. 🫂
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u/ThatBadgr 5h ago
geniuinely thank you for sharing this. i’ve been struggling a lot lately with dark thoughts and this brought a level of comfort that i haven’t felt for a long time.
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u/SlendyIsBehindYou 5h ago
Hopefully your light reflects on others like me who are in darkness as well.
Beautifully said. I'm buried in darkness, but posts like this show me what the light can look like
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u/Low_Key_Lie_Smith 8h ago
What an amazing thing to say - love it, using it, 💯% right. Plus I can even say, "quoth the Raven..."
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u/Early-Obligation-328 6h ago
This is the most compellingly worded way I’ve ever seen to think twice about the choice to end your life. Well done.
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u/Coogarfan 5h ago
I grew up religious, with a strong belief in the afterlife, and I tell people now that I would've committed suicide long ago if I still thought there was a second chance.
There isn't.
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u/ammonthenephite 4h ago
This is the thought that has helped me hang on through some pretty dark times in the past. Death will come for us all, I might as well stick around as long as I can, lots of sunsets to see, cheap cigars to smoke, etc., can't do any of that when you are dead.
Life really is rare, with very few exceptions it's worth sticking out just to see what'll happen.
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u/fr2uk 4h ago
I went through depression. Was suicidal. I'm sorry to say this type of thinking would not have helped me. I'm aware of the fact that life is short, but when I was at my lowest, whatever years I had left felt like an eternity.
The way I described it at the time was like holding onto a pipping hot iron bar at the top of a cliff and everyone is telling me to just to hold on, it will get cooler at some point.
When in pain, and doing anything gives you nothing but just emptiness, letting go feels like peace.
I thought I would share this, not to trash on what you said, because I can see it inspires some people and that's great. But I want to make people aware that quoting this to someone who is struggling may have no effects on them. Don't get frustrated at them if it doesn't work. For some people, holding onto life is like holding a hot iron bar with barehands: it feels like an eternity when there are no signs of it getting cooler.
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u/RealityIsRipping 7h ago
In this body sure. But, you’ll be doing this forever. We are all one. For better or for worse.
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u/Rahx3 8h ago
That visceral image of you standing on the bridge and those guys fighting to keep you here brought me to tears. I'm glad you took a risk on them and on yourself. I am so glad you didn't let everything beat you down that day and you fought back. I am so glad you're here to watch your daughter grow and thrive, and maybe meet your niblings one day. From one internet stranger to another, I am so glad you're here.
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u/SSquared82 4h ago
I agree!! I wish more people shared stories like these because it puts a little pep in your step to keep going. I’ve never had SI but I’ve been deeply depressed and it’s good to read successful stories like these. Glad you’re here OP
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u/Emotional_Base_9021 3h ago
I hope those officers remember that night. It would be cool to follow up with the guy that held onto OP and cried with him. Cops have to see/do a lot of awful things, and I bet the “wins” don’t stick as tight as the trauma.
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u/smallfattapir 8h ago
I attempted suicide twice last year. This is motivation to not try it again.
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u/Educational-Key4431 7h ago
You are needed here in this world, in this life, in this time. Never doubt that.
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u/bby-pink 7h ago
I’m grateful you are still here🩵 please try to remember you are never alone
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u/Imaginary-Photo5221 8h ago
Bro, I’m soo glad you are still here! It does get better.
;
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u/IzCaiman 7h ago
Not to downplay OP in anyway, but I've heard that for over a decade and it's actively gotten worse.
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u/verovladamir 5h ago edited 5h ago
I have treatment resistant Bipolar II. I know people mean well when they say “it gets better” but as someone who has had depression to the point of catatonia, I know that phrase can often do more harm than good. When you’re in an awful place, especially for an extended period of time, having people constantly repeat that refrain makes you start to wonder why you seem to be the only person that doesn’t apply to. When does it get better? In what way? And most importantly, HOW?! No one can ever answer that. They just say “you just have to keep trying.” It used to make me so angry, because from the age of 15 to 35 it had only ever gotten worse. And each attempt to treat it made it exponentially worse. I would see a therapist every week, I had seen multiple different psychiatrists, and tried so many different medications. I had taken leave from work. I worked out regularly. I did the fucking yoga. I lost weight. I did everything they said to do. Still people promised it would get better. Worse, they said “think of your kids!” As if reminding me of my responsibilities, the added people I had to take care of when I could barely care for myself, would somehow snap me out of it. Would somehow fix the chemical, biological problem in my brain.
I ended up in the hospital after another new medication led to a psychotic episode (I checked myself in voluntarily, barely hanging on). The doctor there informed me that it was clear the class of medications used to treat my disorder was making it worse. I could try one more medication, but when asked she couldn’t promise it wouldn’t make things worse. I asked for other options, and she suggested electroconvulsive therapy. Shock therapy.
I agreed to try it. I did the course of ten treatments over four weeks. And it fucking worked. For three months I felt great. And then it got bad again. So I asked to do another two treatments. And I felt great. For three months. Eventually I started doing monthly treatments. It was fucking hard. It’s not an easy thing. It takes a toll on your body. They put you to sleep so you don’t feel it but it still affects you. I had brain fog and memory loss. But it worked. I kept up with those treatments for 18 months. I had to spend a lot of time reckoning with the fact that it might just be my new normal, taking off of work once a month to have my brain shocked into having a seizure so I wouldn’t get too sad. Or too happy.
And then I started to stretch out the time between treatments and noticed I still felt OK. And then I decided to just not schedule another one. It has now been a year and a half and I have not had a single bipolar episode. For the first time in over 20 years I didn’t spend half of the winter unable to get out of bed.
So were all those people right? Not really. It didn’t get better. Life did not just improve around me until I found it bearable. I didn’t get better. Bipolar disorder is a chronic, incurable, lifelong disorder. I still take an antidepressant and have made lots of lifestyle changes to keep myself stable and I go to therapy. I manage it carefully. I probably will have another episode at some point. I will likely need to go back for ECT again at some point. I WORKED MY ASS OFF and made things better. Not by smiling or cheering up or thinking positive thoughts. But by continuing to try to find a solution. Which is why, even though I’m in an amazing place that I never thought possible if you had asked me while I was laying in that hospital three years ago, I still won’t say that “it gets better.”
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u/eliploit 5h ago
This is extremely interesting to me because I’m at my wits end with treating bipolar II and I’m only 22 and just tired of it.
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u/Snowbank_Lake 8h ago
I’m so happy you’re here! I hope that police officer knows what an amazing thing he did that day. Congrats on your upcoming degree, congrats to your little sister, and all the best to your daughter!
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u/East-Block-4011 5h ago
I was just thinking that a note to the officer updating him on what happened after might be a nice gesture. He probably thinks of OP occasionally.
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u/mystified_one 8h ago
I am so glad you are here and I see how hard you've worked and how brave that you have been. Keep on going. ❤️
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u/t00oldforthis 8h ago
Very possible you are also saving someone with your posts!
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u/Clear_Painting9711 8h ago
STILL HERE MF!! Love that.
Glad you’re still here boss
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u/gm_91 7h ago
Oh my dear fellow humans (and those pesky bots I guess), this is exactly what I had hoped for. Thank you all so much for your kind words to myself and to each other, especially those to each other. I can and will read all these comments with a smile and leaky eyes over the next few days. I love you. See you again next year, motherfuckers.
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u/hugo_portisch 5h ago
There are all kinds of shit people out there. There are all kinds of great people out there.
Spend time with the great ones and you will feel great too motherfucker!
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u/therealdirtydan800 7h ago
Dude this is fucking beautiful. Congrats. I need to see things like this, I’m in a super dark spot at the moment, after a relapse only was a week or so using, 2 overdoses in that week in front of my partner, losing my family and having absolutely nothing I still am sober and trying to fight everyday so this gives me hope and made me smile big time, keep on pushing brother this was inspirational and reminded me that I need to keep my eyes on the prize and life isn’t about feeling good I’m still working on that part. Anyways congrats again you’re amazing. Much love brotha. ✌🏻
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u/DangerousMushroom639 7h ago
I am so proud of you, stranger. I am having a rough day, and reading this made my heart soar for you and put things back into perspective, right where they belong. Thank you.
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u/OldManGrimm 8h ago
Fucker, you got me all choked up. You have a unique voice in how you worded this. It’ll really resonate with some of us.
Stay strong, you beautiful bastard 😂.
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u/CiticenX_007 8h ago
I don't know you and you don't know me, but man, I am so glad you're still here! Love you, brother!
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u/AirGugliotta 8h ago
Happy you’re still here, thankful for your words, and happy that everyone who reads this is here
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u/CreepyTeddyBear 7h ago
Congrats, dude. I tried to hang myself from a tree at a beach in the middle of the night. When I hopped off the branch, I guess the velocity from my bodyweight was more than just my weight sitting there and the branch snapped. I cried and went home. Got into drugs really bad. My life was a mess. I'm 39 now with 13 years clean and I have 6 beautiful children. Life is much better with you being here. Keep it up.
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u/Scottg8 7h ago
Needed to read this. Just left rehab for a detox. Got a owi a month ago. I drink a fifth like a fish. It has tore my stomach up that now my esophagus is damaged. You wouldn't know it by looking at me. But I've struggled lost jobs. Pissed away money. I still look good and actually got quite healthy 7 months ago.
But here I am again. Back it. But im 4 days sober. Wondering what am I going to do, bc i feel hopeless like im ruining my life. But now I have weekly therapy visits and plan on attended AA and getting a sponsor. I feel I have the willpower to do it on my own but I understand help is good too.
So thanks for this post and sharing your story. It let's me know I always need to keep fighting and there's a brighter future ahead if I strive for it.
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u/margo_beep_beep 5h ago
I'm proud of you - four days is a great start! I know it's so hard, but the therapy visits sound like a great idea, and I think getting a sponsor will be good too. Keep it up!
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u/Spaghetti_Gravy 8h ago
What a beautiful flower girl!! Also in school right now and it is no joke!! Thank you for staying around and helping other to remember that this life is worth living. 🫶
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u/NeverEndingWhoreMe 8h ago
I know you'll appreciate this: I saw an old man walking with a cane, shuffling along in the grocery store. I said "Hi, how are you?" and he looked at me, smiled, and said
"Sometimes it's just good to be alive."
I think about that nearly every day.
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u/depressedfatbitch 8h ago
this post cut a pathway of hope thru the thicket of hopelessness i have been struggling against the last few days. thank you for sharing.
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u/LearnAlways717 8h ago
Glad you stayed, glad you’re here. Whatever our own personal mountain is, we climb it one day, one step at a time💪❤️
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u/Charming_Garbage_161 8h ago
I can honestly say the day I decided to commit was the best decision of my life. I am so glad you’re also here with us OP. You deserve happiness, respect, and to be cherished.
Obviously I didn’t die even though I should’ve. I took 33,00g of Tylenol, 8 oxys, a bottle of bp meds, and topped it off with two full short acting insulin pens and some alcohol. It opened my eyes to how much abuse was really going on in my life and how horribly I was treated by everyone from my now ex husband and his family. I didn’t really have friends at the time, I didn’t speak to my family but my parents came to see me in the hospital. That’s not be condoning offing yourself if your life gets tough. My reasoning was grief due to a coerced abortion I almost died twice from, then a miscarriage two months later and then finding out my ex was cheating on me a month after that. I found out I was pregnant the next month somehow and had my daughter almost to the year of the abortion.
Sorry I ranted a bit but:
Life does change and can get better. I divorced my ex, took him for as much as I could get in the divorce with a pro bono lawyer due to his abuse, got our marital residence, got pro-me clauses in the parenting agreement due to fb group advice, and I’m a hell of a lot better off financially. Life goes on and it can get better but fuck did that 3 years divorcing him suck lol
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u/GreenDavidA 6h ago
I’m glad you were somehow able to survive that kitchen sink you threw at yourself and you’re doing better.
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u/atheliarose 5h ago
I’m so sorry for everything you went through, and I’m so glad that you’re here and that you have your daughter. She’s going to grow up with a badass mom to look up to. ❤️❤️❤️
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u/foxakahomer 8h ago
🫡I've been struggling a lot. Too many of the bad thoughts. Good to see you're doing well.
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u/13neonghosts 6h ago
I'm sorry you're struggling. I am too. Keep in mind that things will get better, whether it's in a few days, or weeks, or even months. It always gets better.
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u/altcoopx 7h ago
I also had an insane heart to heart with the cops on my attempt. They did so well to actually calm my poor, sad ass down from the ledge of no return. I’m glad we’re here together. I’m glad we have the time on earth we have.
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u/DarkFlutesofAutumn 7h ago
It's funny I came across this bc I tried to kill myself several times in 2010-2012 and failed every time. Instead, I got sober and spent 15 years raising an amazing child and living every day as if I didn't really have it, bc in a lot of ways I shouldn't have/didnt.
Anyway, I got diagnosed w cancer last week. I'm not thrilled about it and luckily I have a good chance of surviving, but amazingly my first reaction wasn't fear or sadness - it was relief at having spent 15 years living every day to its fullest, knowing I consciously made the most of those 15 years I had no right to experience. I'm so fuckin grateful.
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u/thegloracle 7h ago
I love the obvious joy as 'flower girls'. I'll assume you're the handsome devil in the blue suit, pink tie, bald with the beard?
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u/illnamethisaccount 5h ago
So you were going to end yourself because your fiance wanted you to help more with your children? Lol Is that what made her “abusive”
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u/space-sage 4h ago edited 4h ago
I had the same thought. From what information we have, it sounds like the fiance was asking if his apology was to their children. Threatening to or attempting suicide is selfish and can also be an abuse tactic to scare people into letting you do what you want.
And since I see no mention of a seven or eight year old in this update, seems like OP doesn’t have any responsibility for that child.
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u/Cautious-Dig6379 2h ago
She made him get off his games to help with the kids dude. You just dont get it
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u/Furikake_Dreams 7h ago
My heart. I lost my dad to suicide when I was 16 in 2015 and this made me cry a cry that had several emotional layers. I am glad you are still here.
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u/GoinWithThePhloem 8h ago
While I haven’t dealt so closely with death, I think it’s worth reminding ourselves that we can live many different lives if we give ourselves the opportunity to do it.
I’m in my late 30s and I’m returning to school in a few weeks for the very first step toward a career change. To say I’m scared is an understatement, but when I look past the fear of the unknown I see a brand new life with endless possibilities.
Im glad you’re in a better place today and you’re getting the chance to experience that next chapter in your life. Even beyond that, you’re writing meaningful moments in others lives too. That’s what it’s all about. Congrats on all of your achievements!
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u/International_Bug955 8h ago edited 8h ago
Thank you for your message. I love you. I wish for continuous happiness for you and your family. Also, if you're religious/spiritual, May (the) God(s) bless you. If you're not, may the Universe be evermore pleasant to live in and engrace your life with bliss.
Edit - I was so overcome by emotion reading your story that I forgot to comment on how motherfucking awesome your beard is! Absolute beard envy here! lol
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u/eJollyRoger 7h ago
I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you didn't turn into paste on some truckers grill.
Life is about lessons. Without the bad, we never would know what good really is.
I'm glad you're better now.
Keep on truckin'. ♥️
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u/thepolishwizard 7h ago
Hell yeah brother. It’s been 12 years for me. I was battling trauma and addiction trying to process an abusive childhood and it almost got me. It wasn’t easy for the years after my attempt either, I was still stuck with my abusive family trying to save enough to get out. Took another 5 years before I cut it all out.
I’m married, have 3 beautiful children and just bought my first home. Life couldn’t be better and it humbles me sometimes to look back at how far I’ve come.
Proud of you man.
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u/MaybeHarryPotter 2h ago
I too once went to a bridge to jump, sent half coded goodbyes to friends family’s and downed a 2-6 of rum while I gained the courage to jump. O was talked down buy three strangers, who pulled over their two cars. I’m still here, I still struggle sometimes. Currently struggling this month. But I’m still here.
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u/bby-pink 8h ago
So so glad you’re here and moving forward with life🩵 I’m so proud of you and incredibly grateful for the officer who saved you. I hope you have a beautiful life, friend
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u/Aimsforgroin 7h ago
Screenshot looks like you have 2-3 kids you abandoned is that right?
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u/lapitupp 8h ago
Truly mean it. I don’t know you but I am so incredibly happy and fucking proud of you. Climbing out of your own personal hell is *hard*. Wish I could hug you and touch your beard in a very non creepy way. It looks so soft and then I’d ask you what conditioner you use haha! ♥️
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u/Blue_Eyed_ME 8h ago
Keep on living!!! I lost a beloved sister to suicide 14 months ago, and every day is another day of terrible grieving.
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u/Nervous_Departure540 8h ago
Thanks. Just thanks. Your story hit me hard cause I've been on a metaphorical bridge for a long time. Thanks for still being here on this day when I'm feeling miserable myself and reminding me that no matter how alone we feel, we never truly are.
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u/depressomartini 7h ago
“Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what's left and live it properly” - Marcus Aurelius
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u/Yenolam777 7h ago
You give me hope for my son. He is 12 and suffers from anxiety and depression. I always fear someday he will try to hurt himself. He has a very hard time pushing through the everyday struggles of life. The world needs him, just like the world needs you. Thanks for posting, motherfucker 💕
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u/TheBone_Zone 5h ago
As someone who also attempted and has lived life to the absolute since that day 7 years ago (I skydived for the first time today :) ) thank you for your words.
Keep living
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u/Ill_Carry_44 2h ago
Am I reading this wrong or are people really celebrating some guy abandoning his two kids...
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u/minicpst 8h ago
Still here!
I’ve gotten that last goodbye message. I’ve had the cops pull someone off the bridge for me.
Every day after that is a gift, and my bonus son is also turning his corner and finding his mojo. It’s as awesome to watch as I hope it is for him to experience.
You look like a kickass flower girl!
I’m writing this post listening to the Project Hail Mary soundtrack, and it is an absolutely epic soundtrack for choosing to live and making it happen.
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u/shecawgo 8h ago
Lost my brother to suicide 16 years ago last Thursday. I still think about him almost everyday. I’m married now and sober. Wish he could’ve been here for these moments. Glad you’re still here, please don’t ever give up.
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u/Monsterboogie007 8h ago
Man you have such a nice smile. Don’t know you at all, but glad you’re here. Lots of love
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u/Best_Pants 7h ago
Correct me if I'm wrong - sounds like you have 3 kids no? Hope you're able to maintain your relationship with all 3 in spite of your ex.
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u/Mishkin37 7h ago
Glad you’re here still, brother!
The flower girl part still has me giggling! That’s so damn awesome!
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u/Exact_Discipline_562 7h ago
thank you for sticking around. my teenage son came to me less than a year ago with suicidal ideation, and it’s been a rough and wild ride, but i’m glad he’s still here. i’m glad you’re still here too stranger. 💖
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u/Complex_Plantain_273 7h ago
Been tired with juggling work and staying alive lately. Thank you. You're awesome, man!
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u/CharterMember_PrezOf 7h ago
I know I'm just an internet stranger, but I am proud of you and happy you're here 💚
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u/Successful_You_8433 6h ago
This brought a tear to my eye. Congrats and best wishes from Philadelphia.
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u/snugbuginarug 6h ago
This made me so happy, for so many reasons. I’m glad you stuck around to kick it. It’s tough out here but rainbows make the cloudy days worth it. Almost 3 years since my last attempt. Posts like yours make me remember that we’re all here for a reason. Even if we don’t know the reason yet.
I’m a social worker that helps people with addiction and severe mental illness. I love my job and helping people with their recovery story. When I was at university still, I remember an incident of a young college kid hanging off the side of an overpass and I was the first person to see him. I pulled my car over and ran to talk to a stranger. I don’t remember exactly what I said but I remember telling someone nearby to call 911. He was telling me how difficult everything is and he’s a failure and he’s failed his family. I reflected on myself and my life as he talked to me about his. As soon as EMS rolled up and grabbed his arm on the other side, I ran to my car, drove to a parking garage at school, and hyperventilated.
I will NEVER forget that kid..his voice..the sunny day… the people recording on their phones... it was so surreal. I felt physically ill being so alone but surrounded by so many people. The bystander effect was too real. I think about him a lot and I hope he’s been doing well. I’m going to take this post a sign that he is doing well.
Thanks for posting, man. I hope you keep kicking ass. Even on our darkest day, there is always light ahead, just keep swimming.
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u/commanderquill 6h ago
Just because I haven't seen it mentioned yet: You prevented a nightmare those cops would never have forgotten. You gave them hope that they might be able to save someone on the brink of destruction. That's a very powerful thing.
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u/tocahontas77 5h ago
Well you apparently have a fisticuffs appt with another redditor in 9 years. Something to look forward to! Lol.
No, I'm just kidding. But this is really amazing and I'm glad you're still here! I've thought about it so many times... Then I'm grateful I'm still here. Then the cycle repeats lol.
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u/SeldomHeardOfficial 5h ago
I don't know you. But as I lay in bed tonight doomscrolling I came across this. And it just hits me how happy I am that you are still here. You matter, so beautiful that you are continuing the journey.
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u/captainogbleedmore 4h ago
I wish someone like the officer that stopped you was there for my son when he jumped. I'm glad you're still here, your story isn't over yet keep writing it. I hope I see you here again next year.
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u/Garchompisbestboi 4h ago
If this post is anything to go off of, it seems like you're someone who lives an extremely performative life.
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u/RyanDoog123 1h ago
Right?? The screenshot of him simply messaging "Sorry, goodbye" like his like is a fucking hallmark movie.
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u/MeadowBrooke53 8h ago
There is so much joy in your flower girl photo. I am glad you were able to have that moment. And all the hard and chaotic and joyous and mundane moments in the past seven years as well. Keep going, brother. You are not alone in your journey. We will celebrate each step with you.
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u/Viking1411 8h ago
That last message is haunting. Im so glad youre still here! I may not know you but im super proud of you <3
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u/japinard 7h ago
I hope this brings you a smile... but when I saw your post and your picture I had to imagine what this was about before I read your story. What my silly brain came up with was you were attacked by bees 7 years ago, and survived it. Because my crappy eyes looked at your left hand pic and did not see yellow confetti, but a swarm of bees lol :)
Needless to say I'm so happy you were pulled off that bridge and are still here today.
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u/naturetreesandweed 7h ago
This is how I feel right now. I just broke up with someone I wanted to spend my life with and its hard to find a path forward despite all the other success in my life. I am trying to rationalize why this one thing, this singular pain is worth trading the rest away. Thank you for sharing your story. Someone you found a way forward
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u/ThatFatFlamingo 7h ago
So happy to see things like this and I hope you know how many people take strength from those open and honest interactions! Keep going, bro!
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u/sderosa90 7h ago
I’m so proud of you brother… You give me strength. Keep going and make every day a memory. You’re the man!!
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u/MattWatchesMeSleep 7h ago
“For all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.”
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u/cheaganvegan 7h ago
I tried to off myself five years ago. Can’t say life is always amazing, but it definitely gave me a different outlook on life.
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u/TheUDmtl 6h ago
Incredible a brother! Happy 7 years ! A new life with new meaning, incredible.
The blessing is that you are living a second life when most just live one.
Let the good times roll on forever
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u/Previous-Paint3059 6h ago
It takes a lot to fight the fight each and every day: thank you for demonstrating how it’s done. I’m gonna hold your story close, at the ready to brighten the darker days. How does it feel to be the embodiment of light, my friend?
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u/Total-Mixture896 6h ago
Not trying to be a know-it-all but I've been that dark pit many times in my life and what I learned is it all starts with your mind. The quality of your life is determined by your thoughts and emotions. If you can change those, you can change your life. It sounds easier said than done but it's honestly the secret to life. You are what you think literally. Your mind is a plot of soil. Whatever you plant is what you'll get. Poisonous plants or beautiful flowers. Whatever you plant is what you get.
I've done a lot of research and answer seeking in my 35 years of life and the secret that always pops back up is this. You must literally make an effort to change the thoughts in your mind. Your life and mood depends on it.
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u/Complex_Reporter_142 6h ago
A friend of my husband's son jumped off an overpass. My heart breaks for his mom to this day. I'm glad that cop was there to hold on to your shirt (and life) and I'm so glad you're still here.
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u/Few_Soft308 6h ago
Thank you so much for sharing this dude. I lost my uncle to suicide and one of my aunts as well, and we're black and it's far less likely to occur in the black community unless there's a strong family link. Long story short I have that family link, severe suicidal depression if I don't regulate my depression enough in a timely fashion, and add to it I was in a horribly abusive relationship with someone who strangled me so hard, when I became conscious again, I was agonally breathing, and then strangled me again! I managed to get him off of me, and long story short, for the next year and a half after that (June 15th, 2023 was the day) I made over 17 attempts on my life. I was also heavily in the throws of substance abuse. Idk why I'm still here, but life gets a little brighter everyday and I'm glad I stayed. I'm glad you stayed too. Thank you for being so human and sharing your story. I hope and pray you continue to find the beauty in life, whether it's throwing shit or flowers your way. Genuinely made me cry and I'm so proud of you for how far you've come. I like to read up on other people who have survived too cause I always wonder what life would be like if my uncle made it through. If you're ever going through it again and you feel like you don't have anyone you can lean on, if you need me, I'm here for you. Seriously dude. I love you and take care of yourself. You deserve to live. You are worthy of life, happiness, peace, success, love, grace, blessings.
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u/Metolius59 5h ago
Congrats for summoning enough courage each day, especially in those raw days after being saved, to keep going. No doubt you'll have opportunities to keep paying forward for the gift that cop gave you.
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u/echoscream 5h ago
Thank you for staying.
The amount of hearts that would still be grieving for you to this day and beyond, had you gone through with it, would have been tremendous.
Thank you again for staying with us.
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u/Alive_Drag1947 5h ago
I was passively suicidal for several years. Then the universe offered me a way out...
I was in a motorcycle crash and basically died. I was totally blacked out for about 36 hours, and the doctors told me if I'd arrived two minutes later, they wouldn't have been able to bring me back. Essentially an NDE.
I'm ready to go tomorrow if necessary, but I'm endlessly grateful for the bonus time I've had since then.
I'm glad you're still here with us, brother. Enjoy it while it lasts.
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u/mundane_shane29 5h ago
As someone who has lost multiple family members to suicide, this is super cool to see.
Thanks for being here and thanks for sharing your story to inspire others!
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u/Mediocre_Catch_6959 2h ago
Are you and your brother part of a ZZ top cover band? Missed opportunity if not
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u/whateveratthispoint_ 2h ago
This made me very tearful. I think it’s beautiful when we celebrate ourselves and life. Thanks for the inspiration!
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u/Rich_Training_4956 2h ago
You look like an incredibly kind person, the world's a better place with you in it. Thanks for sticking around, I'm glad you're here.
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u/AppalachianSon 54m ago
Great beard, kind eyes. Reminds me of that comic where the guy would say nuff said
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